But it’s with very PUMPED hearts that we say LET’S PACK THE HOUSE – one last time!  We are exactly 2 problems away from solving more problems than the actual UN.  Watch us make history and spit in Ban Ki-moon’s face!

We’re still accepting the “Buy 1 Get 1 Free” coupon,  so print one out and find a date!  Tell them it’s just a friend thing and then make an awkward move.

Where – Wing It Productions
When – 06/12 12:30am (in other words, late late Saturday night)

You can ‘like’ us on facebook to get details as they come.

Also, head to the Wing It and Jet City sites for more details!

A nuclear holocaust has to have an agent of destruction – a perpetrator. A perp is almost certainly a human being. A human being has needs and insecurities.  Satisfying those needs and assuaging those insecurities will eliminate the underlying desire for a nuclear holocaust and preserve global peace.  For a lot of human beings, it can be as simple as handing over a slurpee and a nice jacket.  If the perp is a robot though, we’re fucked.

With the problem of utter destruction solved for the most part, the UN moved on to the issue of facing the cruel cruel world without insurance.   A world where people are judged for the way they look and the amount of teeth they have.  In a world like that, not having dental insurance can lead down a path of ostracism and humiliation.  Once again, the issue boils down to a bullying perp with human needs and insecurities.  Making fun of these needs and exploiting the insecurities can neutralize the bully and prevent anyone from ever mentioning your screwed up teeth again.  If you don’t have health insurance though, you’re fucked.

Edrease Peshtaz with Tristan Devin performing at Laff Hole.

Friday, June 3rd @ 10:30pm

Odd Duck Studio -1214 10th Ave.

$8, or $6 with student i.d.

And as always, print out one of these and bring a friend for free!

]]> http://unitednationsofimprov.wordpress.com/2011/06/02/the-un-and-edrease-peshtaz/feed/ 0 Wilfred Padua UN_Coupon http://unitednationsofimprov.wordpress.com/2011/06/02/the-dangers-of-jock-itch-and-being-late-for-work/ http://unitednationsofimprov.wordpress.com/2011/06/02/the-dangers-of-jock-itch-and-being-late-for-work/#comments Thu, 02 Jun 2011 01:18:21 +0000 ahsanb http://unitednationsofimprov.wordpress.com/?p=73 ]]>

Jock itch affects our audience and the UN takes care of our audience. If that means shaming the jock-itch afflicted audience member into therapy, then that’s the hilarious cost the UN is willing to pay.

So it went. The UN tackled jock itch as well as the problem of being late for work. The solutions were overlapping, confounding, and more meaningful than any of the solutions ever offered by the group:

1. Don’t take the bus. Both problems solved. Boom.
2. When itchy, find a walk that passes one leg over the irritated area, and make that walk work for you. Own it. Your father may be a good resource.
3. If you’re late to work because of your spouse’s “prep time” in the morning, tell them you love them and they don’t need the “prep” because they’re already beautiful. This could lead to a better job and then you can leave them for someone more naturally attractive.
4. Jock itch may lead you to a loving relationship between you and your doctor. If someone complains about being sick, tell them they’re closing their eyes to love. If that someone suffers from blindness, maybe don’t say that and just nod. Actually, say ‘yep’.

It’s about to get sensitive.

How does one deal with being unemployed?

Find your passion that no one else charges money for like sticking your fist up butts. (Some may charge for this. I thought about googling it, but I’m afraid what it’ll do to my personalized ads).

How does one survive the rapture?

Throw a party with holy rollers and pray for collateral save-age.

How does one avoid rape by a Frenchman?

Do horrible, confusing, and inconsistent French accents that disgust the would-be rapist – and all Frenchmen.

Come to our next sweaty, world-changing meeting, which will also feature a performance by “3 Sensitive Men” (from the cast of Quiet Monkey Fight) debuting a new form called “Roadtrip”. The UN is trying to pack the house, so we’re offering “Buy 1 Get 1 Free” coupons. Just print and bring to the show!

10:30pm, Every Friday Night

Odd Duck Studio – 1214 10th Ave.

$8, or $6 with student/senior discount

Dreams can lead a man to the voice of God and/or to scald his son with hot coffee. Dreams can be a restful momentary death and/or a hallucination involving snake penises. Dreams can be prophecy and/or an excuse to do whatever you want. Therefore, use your dreams as a map to understand your own desires, and then inflict them on everyone else. Especially if your son refuses to agree with your world views or has a snake penis. The UN takes no responsibility for the consequences of your actions or cost of bail.

Freud’s work on the homework issue is embarrassingly lacking, so the UN came to its conclusions based on its own experience and knowledge. No one is going to believe your mother died yesterday, so tell your professor the truth: you had better shit to do. If she thinks that’s disrespectful, try a funny accent. If that doesn’t fly, tell her you’re the president of your apartment and you refuse to outsource your homework, but can’t get to it until homeland security is secure. The UN takes no responsibilities for the consequences of your presidency and drop in polls.

If you have a problem, come to our meetings – every Friday. If you don’t have a problem, you’re a liar and your problem is lying.