The UN is excited to have “3 Sensitive Men” tonight

As if the “Buy 1 Get 1 Free” deal wasn’t enough, tonight’s UN show will feature a performance by “3 Sensitive Men” (from the cast of “Quiet Monkey Fight”) debuting their new form “Road Trip”:

It’s about to get sensitive.

The Rapture, Unemployment, and French Rape Scandals!

The UN had to dig deep into its bag of solutions this past week. At first, we drew lint. At second, again, lint. But when all seemed lost, the UN came through solving all 3 problems with minimal lint content:

How does one deal with being unemployed?

Find your passion that no one else charges money for like sticking your fist up butts. (Some may charge for this. I thought about googling it, but I’m afraid what it’ll do to my personalized ads).

How does one survive the rapture?

Throw a party with holy rollers and pray for collateral save-age.

How does one avoid rape by a Frenchman?

Do horrible, confusing, and inconsistent French accents that disgust the would-be rapist – and all Frenchmen.

Come to our next sweaty, world-changing meeting, which will also feature a performance by “3 Sensitive Men” (from the cast of Quiet Monkey Fight) debuting a new form called “Roadtrip”. The UN is trying to pack the house, so we’re offering “Buy 1 Get 1 Free” coupons. Just print and bring to the show!

Buy 1 Get 1 Free!

That’s right, kids. We’ll do anything to get you to come to our shows (even let your ugly friend in for free). So print out the coupon below, and come on out to one of our shows.As always we’re here…

10:30pm, Every Friday Night

Odd Duck Studio – 1214 10th Ave.

$8, or $6 with student/senior discount

Dream Interpretation and Homework Evasion

The UN tackled its most difficult pair of issues yet. What do dreams mean and how do you avoid homework?

Dreams can lead a man to the voice of God and/or to scald his son with hot coffee. Dreams can be a restful momentary death and/or a hallucination involving snake penises. Dreams can be prophecy and/or an excuse to do whatever you want. Therefore, use your dreams as a map to understand your own desires, and then inflict them on everyone else. Especially if your son refuses to agree with your world views or has a snake penis. The UN takes no responsibility for the consequences of your actions or cost of bail.

Freud’s work on the homework issue is embarrassingly lacking, so the UN came to its conclusions based on its own experience and knowledge. No one is going to believe your mother died yesterday, so tell your professor the truth: you had better shit to do. If she thinks that’s disrespectful, try a funny accent. If that doesn’t fly, tell her you’re the president of your apartment and you refuse to outsource your homework, but can’t get to it until homeland security is secure. The UN takes no responsibilities for the consequences of your presidency and drop in polls.

If you have a problem, come to our meetings – every Friday. If you don’t have a problem, you’re a liar and your problem is lying.

Devastating Problems With Simple Answers

The UN took the opportunity this last Friday to solve the problems of our time. It took us about an hour.

A young woman brought a truly relatable problem to the assembly – why am I single? Sometimes the obvious answer is the one most difficult to find. The UN ruled she should dance in the middle of an intersection and wait for a successful stock broker.

With the next problem, we heard a young man crystalize the struggle of our modern go-go-go society – how do I find the the time to do the things I want to do, like guitar and surfing? Again, the UN saw through the existential complications of the issue to boil it down to its root: the tyrannical rule of the sun. Stop the sun. The UN wishes the young man well in his new project.

Every Friday, the UN offers simple solutions to your devastating problems. We may charge for entry, but it’s a small price to enter into your soul. Specifically, it’s $5 for students.